Chris Illuminati
iPhone 5 Release Brings Out All the Intellects
The iPhone 5 is out. It’s sure to make the lives of everyone who purchase it at least 16.3% easier.
10 Beastie Boys Lyrics That Every Guy Should Live By
Adam “MCA” Yauch, a member of the influential and legendary New York rap group the Beastie Boys passed away today at the age of 47. MCA leaves behind not only a nation of hardcore fans, but a legacy of music that will love on for generations.
Alex Reardon vs. Arielle Vandenberg — Checking Out Your Tweets
‘Checking Out Your Tweets’ returns to watch two hot Twitter photos battle it out.
Alex Reardon‘s streak continues as she beats out Danielle Krivak with a mighty swing of her hockey stick. Alex is now ONE WIN AWAY from being the first induction into the ‘Tweets Hall of Fame.’ Fee
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Reporter Can’t Handle the ‘Noise’ at Concert [VIDEO]
Live concerts are often incredibly loud and when one local reporter was dispatched to a music venue prepping for the night’s show, she recoiled at the deafening sound check alone.
Bizarre iPhone Case Looks Like a Human Face
These iPhone cases, made to look like the side of a human face, make it appear as if a person isn’t really talking on the telephone. They’re just, you know, hanging out with their hand up to their face doing who knows what. Kind of quirky.
Jessica Simpson Stalker Selling Self-Published Book About the Starlet
An obsessed Jessica Simpson fan has taken his love for the star to novel heights. Marce William Burchell who, after allegedly stalking Simpson for years, decided to pen and self-publish a book about the object of his affection.
The best part? The book’s insane title: ‘The True Story of Jessica Ann Simpson’s 22 month long attempt to seduce a married man- her very Active Super Secret Sex life: True
Man Sues White Castle Over Booth Size
Normally a lawsuit involving a fast food chain and a patron has something to do with the food. In the case of Martin Kessman versus White Castle the main complaint by Mr. Kessman is that the restaurant’s booths aren’t big enough. Online Dish explains how his local White Castle repeatedly broke promises to make the booths at his local franchise bigger.
Man Miraculously Walks Away After Horrific Motorcycle Crash [VIDEO]
Let this video of a motorcyclist crashing at top speed into a passing truck be a lesson to all drivers: Motorcycles are dangerous, riders should always wear a helmet and Ryan Gosling probably won’t be around to smooth things over when the two drivers meet. Despite the severity of the crash (which shatters the motorcycle in question), its rider miraculously gets up and walks it off.
Man in Gumby Suit Tries to Rob 7-11 (But Doesn’t End Up in the Pokey) [VIDEO]
A man dressed as Gumby made such a horrible attempt at robbing a 7-11 store that the clerk thought it was all a joke. The assailant told the clerk he was being robbed then fumbled inside his costume as if he was going to pull out a gun. He ended up dropping 27 cents on the floor and being told by the man behind the counter “not to waste his time.”
Chuck Norris Punch Is the GIF That Keeps on Giving
If animated GIFs are the cherry on top of our daily internet sundae, Chuck Norris is the fudge. These cherries and fudge are unrelated to the actual cherries and fudge that top our real daily sundaes which we like to enjoy in our large conference room covered ceiling to floor in plastic tarps. Caramel can get messy!
Back to animated GIFs, they often say the things people just can’t like: “obese pe
Justin Bieber Embarrasses NBA Star Steve Nash [VIDEO]
Justin Bieber is apparently good at basketball. So good, he not only has a killer crossover, but can get future NBA Hall of Famer Steve Nash to fall for it. But who would ever belieb … sorry … believe that kind of story?
Finally! ‘Twilight’ Movie Explained in 4 Seconds [VIDEO]
‘Twilight’ is loved by millions, but the rest of the world is kind of clueless about what makes it so darn appealing to the masses. Maybe some people just need a quick explanation. If only the entire movie, heck, the entire franchise could be summed up in one short video.