EXTREMEME YELLOWSTONE! The ultimate danger vacation!

WARNING! This story is SATIRE! If you don't understand satire, then go read something else. 

Screw it! (Yellowstone National Park).

If Yellowstone can't get tourists to stop petting and taking selfies with dangerous wildlife, and if they can't get people to stop stepping off the boardwalks into the boiling hot acid water, then why not just give in and let them have fun?

It costs a lot of money to save these people, and, frankly, the park service is exhausted from trying to reason with these people.

Introducing, EXTREMEME YELLOWSTONE! The ultimate danger vacation!

Do you want to run naked with the wolves? SURE, why not? What could go wrong?

Think of the park as an extreme petting zoo. Go on, don't just pet that fluffy cow, give it an hug and try to ride it. What could go wrong?

Don't forget those bears, they look so cuddly, don't they?

At the same time, Yellowstone will make extra money by charging everyone else who wants to watch the carnage.

You can pay to watch in person or tune into the park's new Pay-Per-View Carnage Channel.

You'll love watching baithers diving into the boiling hot acid springs. Watch them scream and melt right before your eyes.

Are you an extreme hiker who wants to go for a long trek and get lost in nature, literally? Go right ahead. Nobody is coming to rescue you.

Yes, Yellowstone has decided to embrace the laws of Darwinism. Why try to rescue stupid? It only holds the human race back.

So come to the all-new Extreme Yellowstone National Park, where we let nature take its course.