We had some time to read the tabs while we were waiting in line to buy eggnog and aspirin this week and here’s what we learned from OK!, Globe, In Touch, Star and Life & Style.

Once more, avoiding the express line has its privileges.

  • OK!

    • Jennifer Aniston says yes, she's pregnant with twins. She also said yes, she's actually from Neptune and, yes, she has 17 eyes hidden under all that hair.
    • It’s baby time for Britney Spears and fiancé Jason Trawick. Sources say you don’t want to ask what “baby time” means for those two.
    • The Teen Moms have an exclusive holiday album. So exclusive that no one wants to see it.
    • RPatz and KStew have sex secrets. A friend close to the pair is happy that they at least have something involving sex.
  • Globe

    • In 2012, we had to say farewell to a lot of stars we loved. Reminding us that we didn’t get to say farewell to a lot of stars we don’t love.
    • There are 117 celebrities who passed away in 2012. Hollywood sources say that seems like a large number because there are several people on it who you thought were dead a long time ago.
    • In order to humiliate Camilla, Kate Middleton and Prince William will name their daughter Diana. A royal expert says spite-namings are a tradition in the royal family and that's why they named their horse Camilla.
    • We found out our 2013 horoscopes. Apparently for some of us, the word should be "horrorscope."
  • In Touch

    • The marriages of both Khloe Kardashian-Odom and Bethenny Frankel are in crisis and their rings are off. Divorce lawyers consider it a Christmas miracle and say they must have finally made it onto Santa’s “nice” list.
    • Bachelorette Emily Maynard had a reason for taking back ex-fiance Jef Holm. Reps for the near-bride said it was because nobody had talked about her “for like two weeks or something.”
    • TLC’s lovable/detestable ragamuffin, Honey Boo Boo, was either one of the best or worst things about 2012. Experts say that if we’re not careful, she may also become one of the best or worst things about 2013.
    • There’s a baby bump watch on as Kate Middleton and Jessica Simpson are starting to show. It has all the excitement of a major storm watch without the star-studded benefit concert afterwards.
    In Touch
  • Star

    • Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes slept together after an intimate night in NYC. A friend of the couple’s said they accidentally started watching ‘Vanilla Sky’ and didn’t wake up until the credits were rolling.
    • In an exclusive interview, Anne Hathaway says she’s having a baby. She actually said the words “I’m,” “having,” “a” and “baby” individually during the course of the interview and the magic tabloid computer put them all together.
    • Prince Harry’s girlfriend tells all. Because at this point, pictures aren’t going to do the trick.
    • A pregnant Jessica Simpson says she’ll eat what she wants. Shortly before chewing off the reporter’s index and pinky fingers.
  • Life & Style

    • Kourtney Kardashian has now rejected desperate suitor Scott Disick despite his offer of a $50k ring. She reportedly told the lovesick knee dweller that she could never marry a man whose name didn’t begin with the letter K.
    • Katie Holmes told Tom Cruise that he is not taking Suri. She said the buggy would be fine for the errands he needs to run, or he can just get a cab.
    • Taylor Swift is breaking up One Direction. Yoko Ono told the magazine she can finally rest as the torch has been passed.
    • Katy Perry has been betrayed again in a cheating scandal. With John Mayer, it's less of a "scandal" and more of an "eventuality."
    Life & Style