Most, if not all of us, know what it’s like to go out on a first date. We’re nervous, we’re excited, we’re anxious and we're aroused. It’s the perfect cocktail of emotions for this type of activity and, if we’re lucky, we can project those emotions into the perfect date. Unfortunately, there are a lot of things working against us having the perfect date. The underlying reason, in most cases, is simply because he/she is just really not that into you.

It takes a girl roughly 7 seconds to decide if she’s attracted to you, and a few short minutes to decide if she’s into you at all. I’d imagine it takes guys around the same time. What’s frustrating is that even after deciding you’re not into the person, or the person isn’t into you, you still have to spend 1-2 hours with that person. If you’re an optimist, like me, you think that maybe you guys can convince each other that you like each other. You can’t. Your date is going to flop, you’re going to go home alone and you’re going to spend the rest of the evening playing PS3. To save you some time, and some money, we’ve compiled a list of Signs That Your First Date Is a Flop. These signs are gender-specific, but they can usually apply to either sex.

She Spends The Whole Date Texting

This has happened to the best of us. You’re sitting across from a person, trying to make conversation and she’s hiding behind an IPhone. At first, we pretend it doesn’t bother us. She is probably just texting a friend, telling them about the date. As it continues, however, we begin to realize that maybe we’re just really not that interesting. If the person you’re on a date with is more interested in the people that live inside her Blackberry than the person she’s actually with, your date is probably a flop.

How to Flip the Flop-

Many people presented with this situation would make some backhanded, playful-yet-passive aggressive comment like “oh, guess you must not be too interested in me.” This is a mistake. It strikes you as needy and codependent and insecure- definitely not qualities you want to display on your first date. Instead, take the direct approach. Say, “Hey, what would you say to us both putting our phones away for a while and focusing on getting to know each other better, without the distraction of probably the dozens of people who can’t stop talking to us?” This will work for two reasons. One, she’ll admire your forcefulness. Women like a man who takes charge. Two, because you made a joke at the end, she won’t think that you’re trying to tell her what to do, but instead you’re acting like co-conspirators, tuning out the annoying friends.

He Checks Out The Waitress More Than You

Restaurants hire attractive `women to be waitresses so they can make a lot of money. Waitresses act flirty so they can get big tips. These are facts. Because of these facts, the guy you’re with is apt to let his eyes wander a time or two. This is fine once or twice, if the guy spends more time looking at your waitress’ cleavage than at your eyes, there’s a problem. It means, at worst, you’re not very attractive to him and, at best, you are attractive to him but just not as much as the waitress is. The worst part is if he isn’t even making an attempt to hide it, it probably means that he has no plans to further your relationship. Because of this, your first date is probably a flop.

How To Flip The Flop-

Obviously, the first step is to make sure before the date that you’re a knockout. Now, there are some girls that have the mindset of “Oh, I don’t need to dress up or do my makeup to impress a guy. He should like me for who I am.” Wrong. Honey, if it’s your first date, and you want a second, act accordingly. He’s shelling out at least $50 to spend time with you, the least you can do is wear a little extra eye-liner and show a little skin. Now that that is agreed upon, if he still insists on stealing glances from the girl working her way through college, we need to come up with a game plan.

The easiest way, and one that would actually work in this scenario, is a bit of harmless teasing. Usually, if the guy is at least somewhat decent, if you make it known that you know he’s checking her out, he’ll probably fix it right away. Depending on how, erm, seductive you want to be, you could even say something along the lines of “she’s not the one you’ll be trying to kiss later.” Or something like that. Now, if it were me, I’d reply with something like “You don’t know that,” but I’m kind of a jerk. Usually, guys will take note of your teasing and will act accordingly. Plus, they’ll get a rush of confidence at the prospect of kissing you, so the conversation will pick up dramatically.

Your Conversation Is Reduced To “The Question Game”

This exact scenario has happened to me, and I knew very quickly that my date was a flop. Instead of having an actual conversation, like actual adult human beings, this girl and I were reduced to asking each other a series of questions, like two teenagers who are up late texting each other. It was miserable. I’m a good conversationalist. I genuinely like getting to know people and seeing how deep I can take the discussion. She was more interested in asking what my favorite food/movie/book/thing about myself was. This would be fine if it happened within the context of a give and take conversation. Instead, they all happened in rapid succession, like it was a job interview. Finally, I lost interested and started texting/hitting on the waitress.

How To Flip The Flop-

I wish I knew then what I know now. If you ever find yourself on a date that reminds you of applying for a job at Sears, first assess the situation. Is she a bad conversationalist, or are you? If it’s her (and it probably is), open up the discussion to more broad topics. Instead of asking her what her favorite fill-in-the-blank is, ask her what her family is like. Ask her what it was like growing up where she did. Ask her some of her dreams. If even that seems like too many questions, trick her into answering by telling her what your family was like, what it was like growing up where you lived, what your dreams are. Most people can pick up on social cues and will act accordingly.

Ex-Communication

If there is one sure sign that your date is headed into “flop territory,” it’s the dreaded Ex talk. Whether you’re a man or a woman, if the person you’re on a date with spends the majority of it talking about their ex, you’re in trouble. A lot of people don’t realize how much we don’t care about their previous relationships. Yes, you’re damaged. We are too, probably. But the more you lament about what was, the more we lose interest in what could be. We get that you want to open up about your previous relationships, but we also don’t care to hear every excruciating detail about them, especially your sex life.  If you can find a way to have a discussion about your former relationships, without it sounding like you’re pining for the good old days, then go for it. Otherwise, save it for the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th date. Or better yet, just talk about it with your friends.

How To Flip The Flop-

If you find yourself in a situation where you’re listening to the many sordid details about lost love, there are a few different things you can do. The first thing is the direct approach. It’s amazing how much we underestimate honesty sometimes. Simply saying that it may be better if you don’t talk about previous relationships will usually work. If you’re like most people on a first date, and honesty isn’t something you really want to convey right now, you can always try to distract from the conversation. Say something like, “well clearly he/she doesn’t know what she/he’s missing.” This will hopefully bring it back around to talking about the two of you. Of course, if that doesn’t work, you can just tune them out and focus on one thing about them that you’re really attracted to. And you can drink a lot- which brings us to our next sign.

Either You Or They Are Drinking Way Too Much

Alcohol is always a useful tool to have on a first date. People find themselves opening up more to each other over a shared bottle of wine. The problem happens when there’s only one person sharing the bottle of wine, while the other looks on. Having a drink to loosen up and gather confidence is good. Drinking until you become belligerent and violent is bad. The key, as always, is moderation. If you find yourself focusing more on your vodka than on your date, there is a problem. If you find your date downing a third glass of wine within the hour, there is a problem. If your goal is to get drunk and then hook up, that is called your twenties. But you could have done that without having to buy dinner. Bottom line, alcohol should be a tool of the date, not the focus.

How To Flip The Flop-

You can’t. Just continue drinking. There is little hope for salvaging this date, so your best bet is to continue drinking, get a cab ride home, and text a booty call.