What’s Hot And What’s Not On Facebook- Our Top 5
As you well know, because you're reading these words on a website right now, we live in a tech-savvy world. Relationships are started and ended via the internet. People can find out all about their ancestry. We don't even need television anymore because of Netflix. We keep in contact with friends, family, and even pets via a very specific social networking site. The site, as you may have guessed, is Facebook. It is the love of our life and the bane of our existence, so we have taken it upon ourselves to compile a list of 5 things that are hot, and not, about our favorite social network.
#5 What's Hot- Keeping In Touch With Friend and Family
As we get older, we get separated from our old friends from school, as well as our family. Sometimes, we don't have time to keep in constant contact with them. We get lost in the hub-bub of life and don't have much time for phone calls, letters, even Emails. Facebook exists for these situations. Not only does it allow you to Email and Chat with your loved ones, it also constantly updates you via what they upload. You can tell who's married, who's pregnant, who died, etc.
What's Not- Stalking People You Went To High School With Who Didn't Even Like You Then
No, I do not want a friend request from Robby-who-I-hated-in-9th-grade. I didn't like you then, and I don't like you now. You're everything I hated back then, but now older. You used to ride a Huffy, which made you a douche. Now you ride a crotch-rocket, which makes you a mega-douche. You used to wear JNCO. Now you wear Tap-Out. I don't want to catch up with you. I don't want your requests in Farmville. I'm not going to like your shirtless pictures. Just don't.
#4 What's Hot- Posting Important Pictures Once In A While
Weddings, new babies, maybe a new house or car- these are all things worth taking and sharing pictures of. People love to see other people happy. With the advent of Facebook, we get to all the time! We get to see our best friends with the love of their lives'. It's beautiful.
What's Not- Posting Basically The Same Stupid Effing Picture Every Effing Day
We've all seen these people. It's the girl that posts a picture of herself every day, in front of her mirror, or in her car, or in her bathroom- standing up, or bending over, or making duck lips- wearing less and less clothing- with a different hair style/color. It's the couple that posts a picture of themselves kissing each other's lips, or cheek- sitting in their car, or in a park. It's the stupid baby making the same stupid baby face, wearing the same stupid baby clothes. It's annoying. And we hate you all.
#3 What's Hot- Posting Funny Observations/Quotes As Status Updates
A lot of us get on Facebook when we're bored. We alleviate that boredom by reading the funny observations/anecdotes/and quotes from our friends. These quotes humor us and remind us why we like our friends in the first place. At best- they make us laugh, think, ponder our own life choices. At worst, they help us pass time at our sh*tty job that we hate.
What's Not- Posting Your Drama
No, Kelly, I don't care if your boyfriend/husband cheated on you. You're ugly and probably deserved it. No Brooke, I don't care if your ex husband is paying child support. Work two jobs like any normal American who couldn't keep it in their pants. Bottom line, Facebook is not your therapist/priest/best friend who you're drinking Appletinis with at TGI Fridays. None of us care about your problems. We're on Facebook to escape our sh*tty lives, not to read about yours.
#2 What's Hot- Using Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram In Addition To Facebook
If you're like me, you love using all of these different mediums. They all serve a very distinct purpose and all have a very specific audience.
What's Not- Using Twitter, Tumblr, and Instagram Via Facebook
I can't be the only one who is sick of seeing Sepia-flushed pictures of you or your dog or a stupid f*cking tree. I also can't be the only one who is sick of all those stupid E-cards. Yes, we get it. Somebody wrote something really funny on an equally funny, old-fashioned picture and it like, really really relates to your life. Or some sh*t. We don't need to see something that empowers you as a woman, dollface. You're still a woman. If you had something important to say, a man would have said it.
#1 What's Hot- Hooking Up Via Facebook
This is a very thin line to walk, because when done right, it can be very hot. When done wrong, it can be very not. I'm choosing this as number one because, in all honestly, Facebook has been responsible for at least half of my hookups. You may say that sounds creepy, but you would be wrong. I'm not going to go into how to do this, that's for another article, but just know that I am a master of this craft. It's easier and cheaper than meeting someone in a bar. All you have to do is type and watch episodes of How I Met Your Mother on Netflix. Plus, I'm a lot cooler whilst writing than I ever am in public. Hooking up via Facebook is, by far, the hottest thing about the social network.
What's Not- Stalking Ex Hookups on Facebook
Generally, after a relationship (of which I haven't had many) or a hookup (of which I've had too many), I will delete the 2nd party and, as has happened on more than one occasion, block them as well. I'm also relatively sure that I've been deleted and blocked as well. What may seem offensive is actually a really good idea. I don't want my ex flings finding out who I'm talking to now so that they can send them messages about my sexual prominence, or lackthereof. I also don't want to be tempted to do the same to someone else. General Rule Of Thumb, when you break up with a hook up, Delete Delete Delete. Otherwise (s)he will look at all of your pictures, like them, and then plan your demise.
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