Valentines Day - Getty Images

Every year, Valentine’s Day sneaks up on me. I know it’s coming soon, but if it’s not today, I’m not worried about it.

The bummer about V-Day is, unless I’ve gotten my taxes by then, I have no money to spend on the lady of my life. Every man’s nightmare happens on the 14th, I get paid on the 15th. Crap

Here’s some random ways you can say “I still care”, without opening up your checkbook.

Candles Work Every Time

Candles - Chris McGrath/Getty Images

If you’ve been in a relationship for more than a week, odds are you have some candles somewhere in your pad. Kill the lights, throw on some baby-making tunes, light up the “mood-stick”, and be prepared for instant gratification. A lot of time, just the fact that you’ve made the effort will get you the response you’re looking for.

Take a Cruise

Cruising - Christopher Furlong/Getty Images

Grab your lady, throw her in the car, and take a nice cruise around town, up the mountain, to the lake, whatever. You may not have money, but let her know she’s worth every second of your time, and you’ll be rewarded.

Write Her A Song

Guitar - Getty Images

You should see the way ladies react when they see a man playing guitar. It’s actually kind of weird…

If you play a musical instrument, take a week or so and dedicate a song to your lady. Even if it’s cheesy, or you can’t sing, she will appreciate it, and brag to all of her friends. If you don’t know how to play anything, grab a guitar, learn three chords (I suggest E, A, C) and keep singing “I love [enter name her]! She makes me smile. Cheesy lyrics, cheesy lyrics, etc.”

Let Her Win The “Bedroom Race”.

Kinky Foreplay - Getty Images

Too often, us men seem to come in first in the race to climax. While some dudes have an oversensitive lady who only needs the slightest amount of friction, most guys very rarely place second. The key is to make sure she’s about ready to pop BEFORE you even get started. Your mini-me should be the last thing you use…it’s called foreplay. Learn it, Love it, Use it.

When All Else Fails...A Nice Firm Slap On The Rump

Hugh Hefner Spanks - David Klein/Getty Images

While the HR lady constantly tells me this is not acceptable behavior, I always seem to get a good response from the little lady when I leave a nice handprint on her rump. The key is to make it sting just a little bit. Not too hard, but enough to let her know that you love her…and her mud-flaps.

In like Flynn, as they say..