Tom Cruise better be able to bounce a quarter off the sheets after his staff makes his bed or there will be hell to pay. And don't even make him remind you that dinner is at 17:00 sharp.

This is according to Radar Online, which is claiming that Cruise is a crazed dictator who runs his home like a boot camp. Considering the source, it's a doubtful story.

But considering the subject, maybe not. All hail the little General!

"Tom runs his household staff with absolute military precision and with the utmost attention paid to security," Radar's source claims.

The actor supposedly has his home broken up into “zones” and expects the staff to remain in their assigned areas for “safety reasons,” with the insider saying that “housekeepers and other support staff that work in the kitchen and food preparation area aren't permitted to go into another area of the house that falls outside of their allocated zone.”

To make sure everyone stays in their assigned zones, Cruise has his entire staff rigged with collars that will explode if they purposefully or accidentally leave their regulated areas. Or was that 'Battle Royale'? We're easily confused.

Anyway, his staff also allegedly has to go through rigorous tests at the Scientology Celebrity Center before even being hired. One source says the test took all afternoon and contained involved questions like, “If you saw a car stuck on the train tracks with people inside and a train approaching, what would you do?”

Other questions didn't include "if Tom Cruise were a type of ice-cream, what flavor would he be?" and "what is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

But regardless of his crazed tactics for running his home, Cruise does care for his family and provides them staff to make their lives easier. The source divulged, "When Tom and Katie were married, Tom hired her a personal valet who would take care of wardrobe, scheduling and other needs."

Yes, a "valet." That's the nice name for "that spy Katie couldn't shake off."

Now back to work, you guys. Room inspections are at 08:00.