Old Faithful Is Excited About New Tourist Season – YUM!

It's been a while since someone just walked up to Yellowstone's Old Faithful geyser and fell off, or jumped, whichever.

Both seem to happen in the many hot springs around that area.

Despite the many warning signs posted in the area, and literature handed out, and billboards, it just keeps happening.

But Old Faithful herself has not seen a true human sacrifice in a long time.

If you listen closely, you can hear her stomach gurgling.

This famous landmark is volcanic, after all.

So it's much like one of those Pacific islands where, to appease the volcano god, the natives throw a virgin in.

Yellowstone doesn't have many virgins visiting.

But there are a lot of VEGANS. Will one of them do?

Honestly, to keep Yellowstone from a mega eruption we might have to toss someone in.

Most American tourists are too fat to fit down the hole.

But that's part of the appeal for Old Faithful.

EXTRA PLUMP AND JUICY!

We asked park officials if they are going to toss someone in to appease the old girl.

They said no.

While it has been a while since some IDIOT just ignored the signs and wandered over and fell in, they are sure it will happen soon enough.

"What do you want us to do?" one park ranger asked. "Club some tourists and drag them over there?"

"Well," was our response, "I'm sure you have come across a few, every season, that you would like to."

That got them thinking.

"But the optics for that would be bad," one park ranger responded. "How would that play on the news and social media as everyone watched us do that? NOPE! Better to just let one wander in naturally."

Old Faithful is HUNGRY!

Let's hope she gets to feed before she gets mad.