10 Old Christmas Lies We Need To Update
Let's get this out of the way right up front - DO NOT SHOW THIS ARTICLE TO YOUR KIDS! That would be bad. Okay now move on.
It's Christmas time. That means it's finally okay to lie to our kids. Don't worry about it, you work for Santa, it's all part of the job.
According to "researchers", three quarters of parents' lies this time of the year are just to keep the holiday feeling "festive." But it still makes me wonder if the parents ever feel guilty about it.
The problem is the old traditional lies once told to kids don't work as well on today's kids. We need to upgrade our stories.
Here are 10 Old Christmas Lies We Need To Update:
1. Santa’s sleigh is driven by flying reindeer. We are in the era of GPS navigation. Chances are the kids know better.
2. Santa's naughty and nice list. Fine, although we need to quit showing that list on paper. Santa has an IPad now. Make sure to let the kids know what happens if they try to hack it.
3. YES Santa lives at the North Pole. NO the "global warming" is not melting all the ice away. It's fine up there. They polar bear population is booming, so they are good too. OH and, why do we keep showing penguins up at the north pole with Santa? Got to stop that. The kids today are a bit wiser.
4. So how does Santa make it around the world in one night? Warp drive allows Santa to travel at near light speed. Times does not move very fast for him. But it seems normal to us. It's like watching The Flash or Quick Silver running - kids will get it, superheroes are a big deal right now.
5. Yes, Elves still make presents in Santa’s workshop. Santa tried to automate but the Elf union put a stop to that.
6. Yes the Elves still wrap all the presents. (Refer to #5 in regards to automating the process).
7. It is true that naughty children will get a lump of coal in their stocking. In California, kids think of this as a bad thing. Wyoming and Kentucky kids see this as WONDERFUL.
8. It is said that Santa puts on “silent shoes” in order to sneak in the front door if he can’t get down the chimney. We should also tell the kids that Santa uses a cloaking device due to all the modern security cameras installed in and around the house. ALSO, Santa has the passcode to the alarm.
9. If you open your eyes when you hear Santa in the house, he disappears - or he will change his appearance to look like dad, eating the cookies that were left for Santa. Refer to your Harry Potter movies to see how that spell works.
10. How does Santa watch us? He has Elves all over the place. You never know. That's the old story. These days, just tell the kids that he has cameras everywhere. That's more believable. And he's tracking you on your cell phone and watches your social media posts. So watch it, kid.